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 Fascinating Insight into American (Jewish) Sexuality

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PostSubject: Fascinating Insight into American (Jewish) Sexuality   Sat Jul 18, 2015 12:49 am

The Intellectual Sex Fetish



by anneli rufus

It’s S&M for Ph.D.s: Cuckolding, in which men watch their wives have sex with other guys, is catching on among people with high IQs who revel in the psychological agony.

When he hears his wife moan with pleasure while she has sex with another man, Paul Pines feels bad—then good. When Paul’s wife tells him that the other man is much better at sex than he ever was, Paul feels worse—then better. But of course he does: He arranged this encounter, in which he watches in agony as his wife makes love to another guy. And almost as soon as it’s over, he’ll start planning the next one.

Cuckoldry is defined as a wife’s infidelity. Chaucer and Shakespeare characterized it as the ultimate shame. So perhaps it’s no surprise that today it’s developed into a fairly popular fetish. The Internet is rife with husbands enthusiastically soliciting other men—often larger, hotter, sexier men than themselves—to have sex with their wives while they watch.

“The high point of cuckolding is when your wife says she wants the other guy all the time and never wants you.”

This isn’t like swinging, and it’s not a threesome. Cuckolded men (aka "cucks") only observe their wives’ infidelities, they don’t participate. And that's why they find it a turn-on: They're left out, looking on as the woman they love climaxes with a better man than them. It’s a form of psychological sadomasochism. Some people get turned on by whips, chains, and physical pain. Cucks get aroused by mental anguish.

Cuckolding is rapidly emerging as the alt-sex fetish of choice for American intellectuals. Just check out the online forums like OurHotWives.org/forum, where letter-perfect postings celebrate cuckoldry as a cerebral pursuit, transcending ordinary voyeurism and S&M as a dangerous game involving jealousy, misery, gratitude, shame, sharing, sublimation, lust, and trust.

Once a month, Drs. Paul and Sally Pines, a pair of New York City-area Ph.D.s who have been married 25 years, check into a hotel suite with another man. As Paul looks on, Sally and the man snuggle up together on the couch like lovebirds. Soon their clothes are off, and before long, she’s wailing in ecstasy as the man has aggressive, passionate sex with her. Paul, helpless, can only watch and suffer. Afterward, Paul serves lunch to his wife and the man in the suite’s dining area; they eat in the nude before launching into another long, loud, sweaty session.

For Paul, this sort of suffering feels like heaven.

"Imagine looking at the guy who's about to go to bed with your wife. Imagine hearing the man crying out in bed with your wife," says Paul, who pleasures himself "like a madman" during these encounters. "The high point of cuckolding is when your wife says she wants the other guy all the time and never wants you. Sally's body makes it very clear that this is true. It hurts me worse to know this, so it's better to know." Worst/best of all is watching Sally bond with the other man not only physically but emotionally—when, as Paul puts it, she's "masturbating him with her mind."

This emotional bond that women form with the third party is a topic of excited discussion on cuckolding forums. One member of OurHotWives.org/forum admits being "more afraid of Susan going for a walk to the ice-cream store with a lover then [ sic] her having three different men in a week."

"If he just fucks her and goes home, that's one thing," Paul says. "But if they fuck for an hour, then have an intellectual relationship where they sit and talk for two hours afterward, it hurts a lot more."

In this respect, cuckolding attracts "the very highly educated," Paul says, adding that it’s “truly intellectual in its enterprise because it replaces sexual touch with humiliation and emotional pain, both of which are psychological. Most of what gives me physical pleasure has to go on in my brain. I'm totally being classist, but this isn't like people in redneck bars asking each other, 'You wanna fuck my wife?' It's much more complex. It's pleasure on a different level."

When, after years of pleading, he finally convinced Sally, whom he describes as "dignified and proper," to cuckold him, Paul posted a notice at AdultFriendFinder.com that began: "Seeking an intelligent man to be my wife's lover." He picked the four smartest candidates. That was 12  years ago. Watching Sally having sex with another man, "I realize how bad I am at it. And this is really hard for me to say"—at this point, his voice cracks—"but I get off on it."

Although he doesn't know precisely why he's wired this way—"I've told all my therapists I'm happy to talk with them about this as long as they promise they won't try to cure me"—Paul remembers walking in on his parents once when he was too young to realize what they were doing in bed.

"They said, 'Get out!' And I knew it was something very exciting, and that when it's going on, Paul belongs outside—that my place should always be outside of it, which is a really cool place to be."

For other cuckolds, pain isn’t the point. Some are closeted husbands who want to see naked men, whether they admit it or not. Others like the idea of their wives attracting other guys.

"Competition gets them hard," says sex therapist Susan Block, who operates a phone-therapy program especially for cuckolds to fine-tune their fantasies and strategies. "There are so many forms of substitute competition among men in our society, such as sports, that take the place of the real competition inside a woman's body," in which rival males' sperm engage in "wars" to fertilize her eggs.

"Winning isn't even that important. What's important for a man in terms of his arousal is the competition. If you're a married man, you might love your wife, but you won't get as strong an erection for her or have as strong an ejaculation if your testicles know that this woman is yours alone. Nature is conservative, so your testicles won't work any harder than they know they have to. But if your wife has been away at a conference and there's a chance that she's had sex with another man, you'll get a stronger erection when she comes home. If she has had sex with another man, that makes you really hard."

Turning this dynamic into reality through cuckolding is a mental workout "because it involves getting your mind past the jealousy"—past that touch her and I'll blow your head off reflex. Jealousy, Block theorizes, is a social construct based on the notion that husbands own their wives, and is thus "much more recent, evolutionarily speaking, than the competition that turns guys on. That's why it's mostly intellectuals who are into cuckolding: because other guys are crippled by jealousy. They're aroused and upset and don't know why."

Think your way around that, and "this is a simple and safe way to find a lover," ventures the San Francisco-based Webmaster who calls himself DotInfo and operates Cuckold-Forum.net. "Not only does a woman want it, but also her husband wants to share his wife. And they don't have to hide it from each other. It makes their relationships more clear and open.”

But there’s also a somewhat uncomfortable racial angle to cuckolding. Cruise the galleries at cuckolding Web sites and you'll see the same dynamic again and again: white husband, white wife, African-American other man. In cuck slang, these black men are dubbed "mandingos" or "bulls." Some sites, such as InterracialCuck.com, CuckoldHoes.com, and BigBlackBull.com, cater solely to this.

"It harks back to the notion of the forbidden," says Paul, who doesn't pursue this fetish-within-a-fetish himself, "and to that monstrous old stereotype in which all black men have two-foot cocks."

For Paul, it’s enough that the guy makes him feel pathetic, but he warns that the emotional scarring isn’t for everyone.

"You're playing with fire” he says. “Don't do this unless you understand that you can't take it back. Even if you never do it again, your wife will have always had that great time, and you'll both know."

Anneli Rufus is the author of many books, including Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto, and the Nautilus Award-winning Stuck: Why We Don't (or Won't) Move On , and the coauthor of still more, including Weird Europe and The Scavengers' Manifesto.  In 2006, she won a Society of Professional Journalists award for criticism.



http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2010/07/29/cuckolding-the-sex-fetish-for-intellectuals.html
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PostSubject: Re: Fascinating Insight into American (Jewish) Sexuality   Sat Jul 18, 2015 10:06 am

They act as if they are a curious, perverted alien creature inside a human-like body.  Let's try this!  Twisted Evil

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PostSubject: Re: Fascinating Insight into American (Jewish) Sexuality   Sat Jul 18, 2015 1:52 pm

wag wrote:
They act as if they are a curious, perverted alien creature inside a human-like body.  Let's try this!  Twisted Evil

More like, they don't care they just want our children (young adults) to try it.

'Everyone' says it's so cool...

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PostSubject: Re: Fascinating Insight into American (Jewish) Sexuality   Sat Jul 18, 2015 8:32 pm

there are 15 mil jews in America
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PostSubject: Re: Fascinating Insight into American (Jewish) Sexuality   Sat Jul 18, 2015 10:07 pm

Jacob Gold wrote:
there are 15 mil jews in America


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PostSubject: Re: Fascinating Insight into American (Jewish) Sexuality   Tue Jul 21, 2015 2:23 am

What Open Marriage Taught One Man About Feminism

By Michael Sonmore

As I write this, my children are asleep in their room, Loretta Lynn is on the stereo, and my wife is out on a date with a man named Paulo. It’s her second date this week; her fourth this month so far. If it goes like the others, she’ll come home in the middle of the night, crawl into bed beside me, and tell me all about how she and Paulo had sex. I won’t explode with anger or seethe with resentment. I’ll tell her it’s a hot story and I’m glad she had fun. It’s hot because she’s excited, and I’m glad because I’m a feminist.

Before my wife started sleeping with other men, I certainly considered myself a feminist, but I really only understood it in the abstract. When I quit working to stay at home with the kids, I began to understand it on a whole new level. I am an economically dependent househusband coping with the withering drudgery of child-rearing. Now that I understand the reality of that situation, I don’t blame women for demanding more for themselves than the life of the housewife.

Still, as a man, I could, if I wanted to, portray what I’m doing as “work,” and thus claim for myself the prestige men traditionally derive from “work.” Whenever I tell someone I stay home with the kids, they invariably say, “Hardest work in the world.” They say this because the only way to account for a man at home with the kids is to say what he’s doing is hard work. But there’s a subtext in the compliment that makes it backhanded: We both know no one ever says it to a woman. Mothers care; fathers provide care. The difference is crucial. Despite my total withdrawal from the economy and the traditional sources of masculine identity, I can still argue I am a provider. I provide care.  

In this way, my masculine self-image was stretched but not broken. Diaper bag notwithstanding, I was still a Man. It wasn’t until my wife mentioned one evening that she’d kissed another man and liked it and wanted to do more than kiss next time that I realized how my status as a Man depended on a single fact: that my wife fucked only me.

***

When people ask how it started, I say this: We married young. She’d had sex before me, but only with a handful of people a handful of times. She never had a boyfriend, never had a lover. I was the first man she ever had the chance to get to know intimately. By her mid-30s, having already had our children and entering her sexual prime, she felt keenly her lack of sexual experience. Happily for me, she was willing to talk about it, willing to ask if I’d be open to exploring other options. We opened a bottle of wine and started talking, and talking, and talking.

She didn’t present it as an issue of feminism to me, but after much soul-searching about why the idea of my wife having sex with other men bothered me I came to a few conclusions: Monogamy meant I controlled her sexual expression, and, not to get all women’s-studies major about it, patriarchal oppression essentially boils down to a man’s fear that a woman with sexual agency is a woman he can’t control. We aren’t afraid of their intellect or their spirit or their ability to bear children. We are afraid that when it comes time for sex, they won’t choose us. This petty fear has led us as a culture to place judgments on the entire spectrum of female sexual expression: If a woman likes sex, she’s a whore and a slut; if she only likes sex with her husband or boyfriend, she’s boring and lame; if she doesn’t like sex at all, she’s frigid and unfeeling. Every option is a trap.

Feminism always comes back to sex, even when we’re talking about everything else. The point isn’t that all women should be sexual adventurers. Celibacy is as valid an expression of sexuality as profligacy. The point is that it should be women who choose, not men — even the men they’re married to. For my wife, the choice between honoring our vows and fulfilling her desires was a false choice, another trap. She knew how deep our love was, and knew that her wanting a variety of sexual experiences as we traveled through life together would not diminish or disrupt that love. It took me about six months — many long, intense conversations, and an ocean of red wine — before I knew it, too.

When my wife told me she wanted to open our marriage and take other lovers, she wasn’t rejecting me, she was embracing herself. When I understood that, I finally became a feminist.

***

That was two years ago, and today we’ve never been happier, more in tune, closer, tighter, stronger. Whatever power I surrendered, I don’t miss. I wouldn’t recommend it for everyone, but I tell everyone it works for us.

How does it work? We take turns going out. Because we have small children (ages 6 and 3), one of us stays home. (We don’t like to use babysitters because it gives us a curfew; we’d rather go out unfettered than worry about turning into a pumpkin at midnight.) Going out alone to hooking up with others was an easy transition. It does work both ways and, yes, I too enjoy sexual carte blanche. I just don’t use mine as much as my wife uses hers. What’s important is equality of opportunity, not outcome.

How does it feel? It feels great ... mostly. Most of the time, it feels like a mature, responsible way to address our needs and desires within our loving, mutually supportive marriage. It feels very adult, especially because it depends on open, honest communication. We take great pride in all the talking we do. I meet a lot of people who say they’ll never get married because they don’t want to get divorced, and hearing it always makes me sad, because they are cutting themselves off from the possibility of the magic that happens when two people share their lives. People don’t divorce because they can’t stand sharing anymore; they divorce because they feel like they can’t share enough. I never forget that my wife is a whole person unto herself, a complete and dynamic individual, and though we are together, we’re not one. Too often people get trapped in the roles of husband and wife, and a gulf opens between what they think they should be and who they really are. Opening our marriage has allowed us to close that gap so that the person I call “wife” is the same person my wife sees in the mirror. Lying to each other begins with lying to yourself, and now we don’t have to lie to anyone.

There are of course moments of jealousy, resentment, and insecurity. Recently, my wife went on a date and fell asleep at his apartment. I hadn’t heard from her since 10 p.m., she still wasn’t home at 6 a.m. My texts went unanswered and my calls went to voicemail. A tight knot of dread lodged in my stomach as I imagined all kinds of dire scenarios and realized that I not only didn’t know where she was, I had no idea whom she was with. I pictured myself going to the police saying, “I think she’s in Red Hook with a guy named Ryan. I don’t know his last name, but I think he’s a graphic designer?” I’m not sure there’s actually a word for the unique blend of acute terror and unforgivable shame I felt that morning imagining that I’d lost my wife to Ryan, the maybe graphic designer. When she finally texted me at 7:30 a.m., relief coursed through me like morphine. She wrote, “fuckfuckfuckfuck Im soooooo sorry. Fell asleep.” I replied, “Just glad you’re ok, but next time, no radio silence. Remember: you’re not alone.”

What surprises most people is when I tell them it’s not the sex-with-other-men that bothers me. The sex is the easy part, the fun part. It’s what the sex connects to, stands for, reveals that can be difficult. I don’t want her to fall in love with anyone else, and every time she goes on a date, I confront the possibility that she might. It happened at the beginning: The first person she dated after we opened up fell hard in love with her, and my wife, overwhelmed by his ardor, tried to love him back. Watching it happen, I was confused, angry, and terrified that she wanted to leave me. She assured me she didn’t, and whatever feelings she had for him didn’t lessen what she felt for me. Believing her then was the ultimate trust exercise. We survived because eventually I did believe her, and also because I learned to trust myself.

This has been the great challenge of my open marriage: to draw strength from vulnerability. Doing so requires supreme self-confidence. You must first really, truly love yourself; it is the foundation upon which all the other love is built. From everywhere comes the message that what I’m doing is for weaklings, losers, failures, pussies; that if I had money and status, I could keep my wife “in line”; that her self-discovery comes at the expense of my self-esteem. My open marriage has made heavy demands on my ability to silence the voice of doubt in my head, that gnawing feeling of worthlessness. But I find I can meet those demands, and that I am able to build my self-confidence out of nothing more than the basic dignity we all possess. I’m grateful to my wife for pushing us to take this leap, and whatever happens to us in the future I would do it all again. And when she comes home tonight and crawls into bed beside me with a hot story about her date with Paulo, she’ll do it all again, too.


http://nymag.com/thecut/2015/07/what-open-marriage-taught-one-man-about-feminism.html
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PostSubject: Re: Fascinating Insight into American (Jewish) Sexuality   Tue Jul 21, 2015 2:24 am


I find it ironic that the New York Magazine calls its feminist sex and relationship section "the cut". The cut (jewish circumcision) is the first of many emasculating attacks on American males.
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PostSubject: Re: Fascinating Insight into American (Jewish) Sexuality   Tue Jul 21, 2015 10:26 am

Brezo wrote:

I find it ironic that the New York Magazine calls its feminist sex and relationship section "the cut". The cut (jewish circumcision) is the first of many emasculating attacks on American males.

Modern American gutter culture is polluted with little jewish jokes.

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PostSubject: Re: Fascinating Insight into American (Jewish) Sexuality   Tue Jul 21, 2015 8:26 pm

Jews are known as sexual disease a carriers
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